We had a family call in the evening yesterday, a check in with how we’re each processing.
Three of the five of us could not visit dr google. Two did briefly.
I have been wondering why? Isn’t that the first place we’re inclined to go? To dig deeper, get more understanding? Or are we sticking our head in the sand, trying to avoid the reality?
I am one of the three, I could not google. My very first reaction when contacted that we had a diagnosis for Knisleys cancer was fear. Pit of my stomach sickening feeling, that ever present reminder of what is not going way. At least not yet.
But today, the day after, as I awake with the ice in my stomach feeling, where do I go? How should I handle these emotions? The reality is sinking in. I know I need to do some mental preparation and actual preparation.
I suppose that means some internet searching, I had avoided digging into the BC Cancer site until the day or two after biopsy surgery. Their resources and guides will walk us through as we start treatments.
I did some organizing at home here, rearranging. If I have the strength today, I will dig a little deeper here and get the house more ready for the fall and winter of hibernation I expect will be having.
Beth thinks we’ll need a second bedroom set up, I am resistant (big time) to surrendering my office and work space. But she’s probably right, and I’ll probably not have as much creative energy as I’d like. So looking at a hide a bed situation of some kind.
I still need some verses to think on and hold onto. And even at the start of this day, I know that if I go back to the verses that spoke to me yesterday, I know they are not what I need this morning.
I need, must-have, for my broken spirit, cannot-face-the-day kind of new mercies. Same promises, freshly mined gems that will comfort my spirit. Encourage my heart. Enough to give me strength to face what is ahead today.
I have been focusing in Philippians recently, and re-reading the book this morning, chapter 1 had some good gems I thought I was going to sit with and think on today…
But then I got to chapter 4 and these verses once again jumped out.
They can be easy to skim over. They are familiar, memorized, spoken often. And in their familiarity, they lose their potency.
4:7 And the peace of God – peace, of mind, from God. Wow, my mind and soul are begging for peace. Trying to not dwell on the what ifs and possibilities. Panicking over what I cannot control.
which passeth all understanding – that peace that doesn’t make sense when the events of life are swirling around, engulfing you in their inescapable tornado. I have been in those tornados in the past, and then I knew peace. I have to trust that now I can know that same peace.
shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus – the keeping, securing, in my minds eye, I see the hand of God, great and strong grasping around my mind, holding as a father would his small child. Protecting.
What brings the peace of God? The previous verses lay it out
4:4-6 Rejoice in the Lord alway: and again I say, Rejoice. – I don’t know that I have to rejoice in the cancer. But there are many things in my life, right now, that I can rejoice in.
Let your moderation be known unto all men. The Lord is at hand. –When I am not peaceful, I am not ‘moderate’. My emotions are out of control. When I choose to rejoice, when I choose to allow the peace of God to keep my mind, I am moderate. How can I be moderate – I acknowledge, The Lord is at hand.- He is near, He is with me, I am not alone in this.
Be careful for nothing; –Don’t worry- easier said than done. But the writer here is trying to lay out that it is possible to not worry when worry seems like the default mode. There are steps I need to take that make ‘not worrying’ possible.
but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving –to not worry I need to pray – talk to God
Supplicate- prayer for others and other things, not just focus on my own needs and wants.
Now and any time, is not the time to just pry my laundry list of requests and demands of God.
It’s perspective. Keeping an open perspective instead of inward focus on myself no our problem/issue alone.
With thanksgiving – back to that gratitude list each day. What I can be thankful for. Again, shifting my perspective. Seeing what I can be thankful for makes me see what God is doing. and in turn, it will chase the worry away.
let your requests be made known unto God. –Pray it out, everything. One wise lady said immediately upon hearing Knisleys diagnosis, Ask God for what you want! Ask Him for exactly what you want! And she’s right, it says it here, request of God.
Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.
Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you.
Thank you so much for stopping by.
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